How I Overcome These 3 Mistakes of Motherhood - And Here's What Happened

Motherhood needs your commitment, your consent and your willingness to give into it so it can actualize in your life. And if you're a working mom just like me, this could be a bit of a challenge.

Before I had kids, I used to have these idyllic fantasy-like exceptions of what kind of mother I will be like. I will be STRICT – she will only eat organic, no junk food, no TV or phones, and bedtime should be at 8 pm sharp. I will be METICULOUS – I will only choose cotton fabric 100%. I will be FIRM – no loud voices, no answering back and no backing up from other people. Ma’am yes, ma’am! But I will be PATIENT - calm demeanor when she uses permanent marker on the wall, feed the dog with her fingers, or she broke my phone or TV down.

But I did the entire opposite, you’ll see.

One Sunday morning before church, it happened. I’ve been in a good mood as I brush out Chloe’s hair I put into braid she said were way too girly. I gave her chips and cup noodles for breakfast and put on her favorite show because I was too busy searching clothes on her dresser drawer. None of her clothes fit her anymore!  And you’ll never gonna believe that PEER PRESSURE came creeping on her as early as 4 years old. She doesn’t want to put on her dresses and shoes anymore coz she’s trying to dress up like her “boy” friends.  And she insisted many times before I could even process she’s dead serious. What’s more alarming was I started to hear phrases like “I feel better when I dress up like my friends”. “She / He has this slipper, can I have it too? You don’t tell mommy what to do.

I looked her straight to the eye and told her “wear this or you’re not coming with me”. She started crying but still protesting in between sobbing – no, no, no, and no. I was extremely angry. I yelled at her so loud it could bring the house down. Her dad was shouting too because we were supposed to be walking out the door. We’re late!

Then I stopped. I slid to my knees, put on her shorts and slippers and hugged her tightly. Hands – up!

I’ve failed million times on my motherhood journey but if there’s one thing I wanted my kid to learn from me that would be INDIVIDUALITY - that it’s TOTALLY OKAY to be different. To not dress or act like everyone else. And that people or kids have character flaws and accepting them will make her exceptional. J

And along the way, I’ve realized some fascinating insights when it comes to caring for our children: what’s important is to be committed to what works best for us. I'm sharing some parenting mistakes and the progress I’ve made. They might be tiny but the positive results will be more than what you could count.

As a working mom, it’s hard when my kid wanted to play but I'm often completely depleted of energy with a day's work that I just want to lie down. But I've realized the more I tried to take a minute off the more she will try to grab my attention by playing rough, jumping up and down or do things I don't like. And I admit even how hard I try to respond lovingly to her every demand there are just days (especially when I'm tired) that it's hard to stay calm and I often find myself yelling at her irascibly. So you see, it's just doing us more harm than any good.

Well, you best know the right answer to this situation: your precious little time and undivided attention.

So before plopping down, I intentionally leave my phone inside my bag for 20 minutes or so and sit with her, tell her about how my day was or ask her about her day. We will have dinner, give her a bath and that's when she surprisingly agreed for us to lie on the bed and do our thing. Win-win!

Our kids won't remember their best time with their toys or phone, they will always remember the TIME they spent with us.

Sometimes the only thing our children need is a heart that listens.

We tend to care too much about other people's opinion rather than listening to what we or our baby really want or love. We've fallen trap into this "seeking" to avoid judgment if something falls out of the norm. I think the main goal here is to find what truly makes us happy, as cliche this may sound.

Trust your parental instinct.

Take, for example, my daughter. While other kids her age are into barbies and make-up, she's learning about dinosaurs, solar system, airplanes, and trains. She plays soccer, football, volleyball, and basketball. She even wears her dad's basketball uniform. She loves jogger pants and boy shirt more than anything fancy. The fact that she spent most of her time with daddy.

"It's fun to be around boys mommy", she once told me. And this is hard for me as I want to be full support for her early interests and loves not because she's a spoiled brat. But because she's amazing. But think about what other people said about me as a MOM buying her dinosaurs, dressing her like her dad, letting her around daddy's basketball team (a lot!) or throwing her a dinosaur-themed birthday party? People might laugh or think this is silly. But this is important.

Now if I let those judgment stop her from getting what she wants then I'm choosing OTHERS. If I let others pick what's best for us then I might've just let DOWN a future generation of female footballers, female pilots or women who are not afraid to be DIFFERENT - strong and confident.

Now, this is something I take seriously:

My mother once told me, whatever that is you've decided to do with your life, do it with all your heart.

As a working mom, it's hard to get yourself out of the complaining mode and find balance when work keeps you occupied. Buzzing work and demanding personal pursuit that take your time away from your family life.

But only by loving what you do will keep you away from worldly pursuits and remind you of your ground realities - meaningful and important relationships are far greater than your bank balance.

I know it's not easy but you will sail through with some tact, patience, and real, hard work! I've fallen victim to my bid of being better, fitter and richer goals by going overboard. I've been spending too much time at work and too less of it with my family and loved ones. But I know I've got to change something. As I reflected on what I wrote in my blog entry "My Tiny Little Miracle" - my pregnancy might be something that kept me at my wit's end but it was certainly a noteworthy change. I love my motherhood life beyond all measures.

So whether you've decided to be a full-time mom or a working mom, give 100 percent of your love. It’s time to put more focus, time and effort to do things that feel good on your baby and engage on things that make you feel whole and full.

At the end of the day, we just want to do the best we can for our families. And only by knowing how it works and what works best for us is the recipe for a successful motherhood journey

Thanks a lot for reading,